This will be an ongoing blog as I try the best way to phrase myself. It can also be an interactive one that you can give your opinion on. Approaching the subject of God and trying to understand His/Her existence is complicated and that's why I'm leaving this one open ended. I very rarely touch on the subject or discuss my beliefs, but I am going to attempt it.
Keep in mind that these are my instant thoughts and they may not be fully understandable yet.
Five years ago, I considered myself an atheist. I would find every reason in the book not to believe in God. I was on a quest for knowledge and to me, God just didn't make any sense. God to me was a fairy tale, a made up fiction that helped humans get through their day to day lives. Something to live for I suppose. I stopped going to church and decided to look for the explanation of life in other areas. I figured our brains were the most important organs to ever grace this planet, and I felt the answers would lie there. I thought it was up to the brain to create this existence. And it does, I truly believe in the importance of the human brain, but I also now believe in the importance of a Being greater than the human race to have allowed the creation of it.
I consider myself a fairly educated person and in 2005, I wrote a paper for a history class about Abraham, the Patriarch of Judaism, Christianity and Islam. What I found was astounding. When I had believed in God as a child, teenager and young adult, I had never read the Bible. Here I was, 27 years old, reading from the oldest version of the Hebrew Bible that I could find about the travels of Abraham from Ur to Canaan and then into Egypt and back to Canaan. I found that these places had indeed existed (I knew Egypt existed), that perhaps Abraham actually had a place in history and that God did as well. My paper's intent was to disprove the existence of God, but more than anything it made me question if God could actually have a role in the lives of humans after all. Many people will question their faith, but after studying, I began to question my disbelief. I had been convinced that God was not real, and here I was wondering...had I been wrong? Is there more to this God thing? Six years ago I began to study the history of the Christian church in order to disprove God. The history of Christianity is founded on the New Testament and is replete with the imperfections of man. If I wanted to find truth I had to look behind the mistakes of humankind. I had to find God behind those scriptures and words. I couldn't look at the misgivings of fallible humans who have guided the church, I had to go deeper, older. Of course the Old Testament was written by man as well, but the mystery of God and his interaction with humans is more visible and less tainted almost. So I turned to the Hebrew Bible to find God. In was in my quest to educate myself on Judaism that I found God. From that point on, my faith became more pronounced and I was dedicated to understanding what God was all about. My belief in Jesus as the Son of God was still hazy, but I figured if Jesus did indeed exist and was God's Son, then God himself would help me to realize this. I didn't want to believe just because it was easy, I wanted to believe because it was intelligent in nature. God, if He existed, along with Jesus would not be simple. The Universe was created by this Being, so therefore, the belief in Him had to be complex.
It's so easy to say, "I believe because I believe, because I have faith." I wanted a reason to believe because if their truly was a God, then He/She gave me this brain to figure Him/Her out. I wanted to live up to the abilities that God gave me. I wanted to explore my capabilities. And one night as I lay on the pullout sofa at my Father's apartment, God came to me.
I was watching a documentary on PBS about the History of Physics. Anything about history is compelling to me. When they began to talk about Albert Einstein, it all began to make sense. In this generation, many scientist believe that science has basically disproved the existence of a Supreme Being. But Einstein never wavered in his faith. He had been able to break down the atom and unearth the power of its deconstruction. He manipulated the smallest particle found in the Universe, but he remained faithful. I can't say that I believe in God just because Einstein did, but once he was able to bend the atom, The Big Bang and the creation of the Universe was explainable. He found the recipe for energy, and energy is how we came into being just as it will be what creates our end. The one thing Scientists can't explain is how this energy was able to occur, and there my friends is where God is. God is Energy, the single most powerful Being, Thing in the Universe. That Bang put everything in motion and I believe that because of it, we are on a path cultivated by this God. Everything that has happened in this Universe, this galaxy, this solar system, this planet has happened because of it.
Many people question whether we are alone in this Universe and if we are truly God's chosen ones. I don't know how that should shake one's faith. If others exist out there, then they were part of this projection brought forth by this unleashing of energy. They are on our same path if they exist, and if God is all powerful, all knowing, all mighty; then He of course is the same God that we worship. And who's to say He's not the God that the Ancient Egyptians believed in?
There are many theories that Christianity is just a recycling of ancient Gods used by the Sumerians, Akkadians, Egyptians...whatever. Maybe it's just that they were just as interested in God and were figuring it out. As humankind has advanced throughout history, it is evident that our capabilities and intelligence become more and more advanced. Perhaps the ancient religions were building blocks to understanding God. One thing is for sure, I believe in God and as fallible humans, I am willing to confess that even we may be wrong. This understanding of God as we see Him/Her now has persisted through millenia, and I think one day, we may be able to understand God fully. Maybe when the Universe reaches the end of its time, will be when we come to fully become One with God.
To be continued. This is so unchronologically developed right now. It's a work in progress